Part 4: The White Throne

Part IV- THE WHITE THRONE

I gazed one last time around the huge room inside the mountain. The gems and treasures that represented the truths of salvation were breathtaking in their glory. It seemed that there was no end to their expanse and no way to fully comprehend their beauty.

I could not imagine that the rooms which contained the other great truths of the faith could be any more glorious. This helped me to understand why so many Christians never wanted to leave this level, being content to just marvel at the basic doctrines of the faith. I knew that I could stay here for eternity and never get bored.

Then the eagle who was standing next to me exhorted, “You must go on!” As I turned to look at him, he lowered his voice and continued, “There is no greater peace and safety than to abide in the Lord’s salvation. You were brought here to know this because you will need this faith for where you are now going. But you must not stay here any longer.”

The eagle’s statement about peace and safety caused me to think about the courageous warriors who had fought in the battle from the first level of the mountain, “Salvation.” Although they had fought so well and delivered so many, they had also all been badly wounded. It did not seem that they had found peace and safety here.

The eagle interrupted my thoughts again as if he were listening to them. “God has a different definition of peace and safety than we do,” he said. “To be wounded in the fight is a great honor. It is by the Lord’s stripes that we are healed, and it is through our stripes that we, too, are given the authority for healing. Once we are healed, we are given the power to heal others in the very place where the enemy wounded us.

“Healing was a basic part of the Lord’s ministry, and it is also a basic part of ours. One reason why the Lord allows bad things to happen to His people is so they can receive compassion for others, by which the power of healing operates. That is why the Apostle Paul told of his beatings and stonings when his authority was questioned. Every wound and other bad thing that happens to us can be turned into the authority to do good. Every beating that the great apostle took resulted in salvation for others. Every wound that a warrior receives will result in others being saved, healed, or restored.”

The eagle’s words were very encouraging. Standing here amid the glory of the treasures of salvation made this truth even clearer and more penetrating. I wanted to go shout it from the top of the mountain so that all who were still fighting would be encouraged.

Then the eagle continued, “There is another reason why the Lord allows us to be wounded. There is no courage unless there is real danger. The Lord said He would go with Joshua to fight for the Promised Land, but over and over He exhorted him to be strong and courageous. This was because he was going to have to fight, and there would be very real danger. It is in this way that the Lord proves those who are worthy of the promises.”

The Glorious Eagle

I looked at the old eagle, and for the first time I noticed the scars among his torn and broken feathers. However, the scars were not ugly. They were lined with gold that was somehow not metal, but rather flesh and feathers. I could see that this gold was giving off the glory that emanated from the eagle and made his presence so awesome.

“Why did I not see this before?” I inquired.

“Until you have beheld and appreciated the depths of the treasures of salvation, you cannot see the glory that comes from suffering for the sake of the gospel. Once you have seen it, you are ready for the tests that will release the highest levels of spiritual authority into your life. These scars are the glory that we will carry forever. This is why even the wounds our Lord suffered are with Him in heaven. You can still see His wounds and the wounds that all of His chosen ones have taken for His sake.

“These are the medals of honor in heaven. All who carry them love God and His truth more than their own lives. These are the ones who followed the Lamb wherever He went, willing to suffer for the sake of truth, righteousness, and the salvation of men. True leaders of His people, who carry genuine spiritual authority, must have first proven their devotion this way.”

I looked at the leader of the company of angels that followed me. I had never witnessed deep emotion in an angel before, but these words were unquestionably moving him greatly, as well as the rest of the angels. I really thought they were about to cry.

Then the leader spoke: “We have witnessed many wonders since the creation. But the voluntary suffering of men for the Lord and for their fellow men is the greatest wonder of all. We, too, must fight and even suffer at times, but we dwell where there is such light and glory that it is very easy to do this.

“When we see men and women choose to suffer for a hope they can see only dimly in their hearts, it causes even the greatest angels to bow their knee and gladly serve these heirs of salvation. We marvel at the dedication of you who dwell with so little encouragement in a place of such darkness and evil.

“At first we did not understand why the Father decreed that men would have to walk by faith, suffering great opposition while not having the benefit of beholding the reality and the glories of the heavenly realm. But now we understand that through these sufferings He proves their worthiness to receive the great authority that they will be given as members of His own household.

“This walk of faith is now the greatest wonder in heaven. Those who pass this test are worthy to sit with the Lamb on His throne, for He has made them worthy and they have proven their love.”

Courage

Then the eagle interjected, “Courage is a dem -onstration of faith. The Lord never promised that His way would be easy, but He has assured us that it would be worth it. The courage of those who fought from the level of “Salvation” moved the angels of heaven to esteem what God has brought about in fallen men. The faithful warriors took their wounds in the terrible onslaught, while only beholding darkness and a seeming defeat of the truth, just as our Lord did on His cross. Nevertheless, they did not quit, and they did not retreat.”

I was again starting to regret that I had not remained on the level of “Salvation” and fought with those other brave souls. Once more, understanding my thoughts, the eagle interrupted them.

“By climbing the mountain, you were demonstrat-ing faith and wisdom too. Your faith freed many souls so they could come to the mountain for salvation. You received some wounds, as the warriors on the level of “Salvation” did, but your authority in the kingdom has come more from acts of faith than from suffering. Because you have been faithful in a few things, you will now be given the great honor of going back to suffer, that you may be made a ruler over many more.

“But remember that we all work together for the same purposes regardless of whether we are building or suffering. If you go higher, many more souls will fill these rooms, to the great joy of heaven. You have now been called to climb and to build, but if you are faithful in this you will later be given the honor of suffering.”

I then turned and looked at the dark and foreboding door over which was written, “The Judgment Seat of Christ.” Just as warmth and peace had flooded my soul each time I looked at the great treasures of salvation, fear and insecurity gripped me when I looked at this door. Now it seemed that everything in me wanted to stay in this room, and nothing in me wanted to go through that door.

Again, the eagle answered my thoughts. “Before you enter the door to any great truth, you will have these same feelings. You even felt them when you entered into this room filled with the treasures of salvation. These fears are the result of the Fall. They are the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. The knowledge from that tree made us all insecure and self-centered. The knowledge of good and evil makes the true knowledge of God seem fearsome, when in fact every truth from God leads to an even greater peace and security. Even the judgments of God are to be desired because all of His ways are perfect.”

By now I had experienced enough to know that what seems right is usually the least fruitful path and is often the road to failure. Throughout my journey, the path of greatest risk was the path that led to the greatest reward. Even so, each time it seemed that more was at stake. Therefore, making the choice to go higher became more difficult each time. I started to sympathize with those who would stop at some point in their sojourn and refuse to go on, even though I knew more than ever that this was a mistake. The only true security came from continually moving forward into the realms that required more faith, which meant more dependence on the Lord.

“Yes, it takes more faith to walk in the higher realms of the Spirit,” the eagle added. “The Lord gave us the map to His kingdom when He said, ‘If you seek to save your life you will lose it, but if you will lose your life for My sake you will find it.’ These words alone can keep you on the path to the top of the mountain and lead you to victory in the great battle ahead. They will also help you stand before the judgment seat of Christ.”

Through the Door

I knew it was time for me to go. I resolved to always remember the glory of this chamber that contained the treasures of salvation, but I also knew that I had to move beyond them. I had to go on. I turned, and with all of the courage I could muster, opened the door to the judgment seat of Christ and stepped through it into terrifying darkness. The company of angels that had been assigned to me took positions all around the door, but did not enter.

“What’s the matter? Aren’t you coming?” I demanded.

“Where you are going now, you must go alone. We will be waiting for you on the other side.”

Without responding, I turned and started walking before I could change my mind. Somehow I knew that I should not put my security in the company of angels. As I walked into the darkness, I heard the eagle’s parting words, “After this you will not have your trust in anyone else, even yourself, but only in the Lord.”

I immediately was in the most frightening darkness I had ever experienced. Each step became a terrible battle with fear. Soon I began to think I had stepped into hell itself. Finally I decided to retreat, but when I turned to go back, I could not see anything. The door was closed, and I could not even see where it was located. It was beginning to look as if everything that had happened to me, and everything the eagles and the angels had told me, had been a ruse to entrap me in this hell. I had been deceived!

I cried to the Lord to forgive me and help me. Immediately I began to see Him on the cross, just as when I had laid my hand on the red stone in the chamber I had just left. Again I beheld the darkness of His soul as He stood alone, bearing the sin of the world. Although in the chamber this had been a terrible darkness to behold, now it was a light. I resolved to go on, fixing my mind on Him. As I did, peace began to grow in my heart with each step, and it became easier than it had been just a few minutes earlier.

Soon I was not even aware of the chilly darkness, and I started to see a dim light. Gradually it became a glorious light. Then it became so wonderful that I felt I was entering into heaven itself. The glory kept increasing as I walked along, and I wondered how anything this magnificent could have an entrance so dark and foreboding. Now I was enjoying every step.

The Great Hall

The path soon opened into a hall so large that I did not think the earth itself could contain it. Its beauty could not even be described by any reference to human architecture. This exceeded the wonder of anything I had yet experienced, including the Garden and the chamber that held the treasures of salvation.

By now I was as overwhelmed with joy and beauty as I had been overwhelmed by darkness and fear just minutes before. I then understood that every time I had experienced great pain or darkness of soul, it had been followed by a much greater revelation of glory and peace.

At the far end was the Source of the glory that was emanating from everything else in the room. I knew that it was the Lord Himself, and though I had now seen Him many times, I began to be a bit afraid as I walked toward Him. However, this fear was a holy fear that only magnified the great joy and peace that I also felt. Not only was the judgment seat of Christ a source of more security than I had ever experienced, but at the same time it was the source of a greater and purer fear.

I did not notice how great the distance was to the throne. It was so wonderful just to walk here that I did not care if it took me a thousand years to get there. In earthly terms, it did take me a very long time. In one sense I felt that it was days, and in another, years. But somehow earthly time had no relevance here.

My eyes were so fixed on the glory of the Lord that I walked a long time before I noticed that I was passing multitudes of people who were standing in ranks to my left (there were just as many to my right, but they were so far away that I could not see them until I reached the throne). As I looked at them, I had to stop. They were dazzling, more regal than anyone I had ever seen. Their countenances were captivating.

Never had such peace and confidence graced human faces. Each one was beautiful beyond any earthly comparison. As I turned toward those who were close to me, they bowed in a greeting as though they recognized me.

“How is it that you know me?” I asked, surprised at my own boldness in asking them a question.

“You are one of the saints fighting in the last battle,” a man close by responded. “Everyone here knows you, as well as all those who are now fighting on the earth. We are the saints who have served the Lord in the generations before you. We are the great cloud of witnesses who have been given the right to behold the last battle. We know all of you, and we see all that you do.”

To my surprise, I recognized someone I had known on earth. He had been a faithful believer, but I did not think he had ever done anything of significance. He was so unattractive physically on earth that it made him shy. Here he had the same features, but was somehow more handsome than any person I had known on earth. He stepped up to me with an assurance and dignity that I had never seen before in him, or in any man.

“Heaven is much greater than we could have dreamed while on earth,” he began. “This room is but the threshold of realms of glory that are far beyond our ability to comprehend. It is also true that the second death is much more terrible than we understood. Neither heaven nor hell are like we thought they were. If I had known on earth what I know here, I would not have lived the way I did. You are greatly blessed to be able to come here before you die,” he said, looking at my garments.

I then looked at myself. I still had the old mantle of humility on, and the armor was still under it. I felt both foul and crude standing before those who were so glorious. I began to think that I was in serious trouble if I was going to appear before the Lord like this. Like the eagles, my old acquaintance could understand my thoughts, and he responded to them.

“Those who come here wearing that mantle have nothing to fear. That mantle is the highest rank of honor, and it is why they all bowed to you when you passed.”

“I did not notice anyone bowing to me,” I replied, a bit disconcerted. “In fact, I didn’t even notice anyone until just now.”

“It is not improper for someone to bow down before you,” he continued. “Here we show each other the respect that is due. Even the angels serve us here, but only our God and His Christ are worshiped. There is a marked difference between honoring others in love, and worshiping them. If we had understood this on earth, we would have treated others very differently. It is here in the light of His glory that we can fully perceive and understand each other, so we can relate properly.”

Foolish Virgins

I was still ashamed. I had to restrain myself to keep from bowing down to those in the great hall, while at the same time wanting to hide myself because I felt so lowly. Then I began lamenting the fact that my thoughts were just as foolish here as they were on the earth, and here everyone knew them! I felt both stained and stupid standing before these who were so awesome and pure. Again my old acquaintance responded to these thoughts.

“We have our incorruptible bodies now, and you do not. Our minds are no longer hindered by sin. We are therefore able to easily comprehend what even the greatest earthly mind cannot fathom, and we will spend eternity growing in our ability to understand. This is so we can know the Father and understand the glory of His creation. On earth you cannot even begin to understand what the least of these knows here. In fact, we are the least of those here.”

“How could you be the least?” I asked with disbelief.

“There is an aristocracy of sorts here,” he answered. “The rewards for our earthly lives are the eternal positions that we will have forever. This great multitude are those whom the Lord called ‘foolish virgins.’ We knew the Lord and trusted in His cross for salvation, but we lived for ourselves more than we really lived for Him. We did not keep our vessels filled with the oil of the Holy Spirit. We have eternal life, but we wasted our lives on earth.”

I was greatly surprised by what he was telling me, but I knew that no one could lie in this place.

“The foolish virgins gnashed their teeth in the outer darkness,” I protested.

“And that we did. The grief that we experienced when we understood how we had so wasted our lives was beyond any grief possible on earth. The darkness of that grief can only be understood by those who have experienced it. Such darkness is magnified when it is revealed next to the glory of the One we failed.

“You are standing among those in the lowest rank of heaven. There is no greater folly than to know the great salvation of God, but to then go on living for yourself. To come here and learn the reality of that is a grief beyond what an earthly soul can experience. We are those who suffered outer darkness because of this greatest of follies.”

I was still incredulous. “But you are more glorious and full of joy and peace than I ever imagined, even for those in heaven. I do not sense any remorse in you, and yet I know that here you cannot lie. This does not make sense to me.”

Looking me straight in the eyes, he continued, “The Lord also loves us with a love greater than you can yet understand. Before His judgment seat I tasted the greatest remorse and darkness of soul that can be experienced. Though here we do not measure time as you do, it seemed to last for as long as my life on earth had lasted. All my sins and follies that I had not repented of passed before me and before all who are here.

“You cannot understand the grief of this until you have experienced it,” he went on. “I felt that I was in the deepest dungeon of hell, even as I stood before the glory of the Lord. He was resolute until my life had been completely reviewed. When I said I was sorry and asked for the mercy of His cross, He wiped away my tears and took away the darkness. I no longer feel the bitterness that I knew as I stood before Him, but I remember it.

“Here you can remember such things without continuing to feel the pain. A moment in the lowest part of heaven is much greater than a thousand years of the highest life on earth. Now my mourning at my folly has been turned into joy, and I know that I will experience joy forever, even if I am in the lowest place in heaven.”

I began to think again of the treasures of salvation. Somehow I knew that all this man had told me was revealed by those treasures. Every step I had taken up the mountain, or into it, had revealed that His ways are both more fearful and more wonderful than I had ever been able to comprehend before.

Looking at me intently, my former acquaintance continued: “You are not here just to gain understanding, but to be changed. The next level of rank has glory many times greater than what we have here. Each new level is that much greater than the previous one. It is not just that those on each level have an even more glorious spiritual body, but that each level is closer to the throne, from where all the glory comes.

“Even so, I no longer feel the grief of my failure. I really deserve nothing. I am here by grace alone, and I am so thankful for what I have. He is so worthy to be loved. I could be doing many wondrous things now in the different realms of heaven, but I would rather stay here and just behold His glory, even if I am on the outer fringes.”

Then, with a distant look in his eyes, he added, “Everyone in heaven is now in this room to watch His great mystery unfold, and to watch those of you who will fight the last battle.”

“Can you see Him from here?” I asked. “I see His glory far away, but I cannot see Him.”

“I can see many times better than you can,” he answered. “And yes, I can see Him and hear Him. I can see all that He is doing. He also gave us power to observe what is happening on earth. We are the great cloud of witnesses who are watching you and cheering you on.”

He bowed and then returned to the ranks. I began walking again, trying to understand all that he had said to me. As I looked over the great host that he said was the foolish virgins, the ones who had spiritually slept away their lives on earth, I knew that if any one of them appeared on earth now they would be worshiped as gods. Yet, they were the very least of those who were here!

I then began to think of all of the time that I had wasted in my own life. It was such an overwhelming thought that I stopped. Then parts of my life began to pass before me. I began to experience a terrible grief over my sin. I, too, had been one of the greatest of fools! I may have kept more oil in my lamp than others, but now I knew how foolish I had been to measure what was required of me by how others were doing. I, too, was one of the foolish virgins!

The Would-Be Mentor

Just when I thought I would collapse under the weight of this terrible discovery, a man I had known and esteemed as a great man of God came forward to steady me. As he greeted me warmly, his touch somehow revived me.

I had wanted to be discipled by this man, but we did not get along well. As had happened with a number of other men of God that I tried to get close to, I was an irritation to this man, and he had finally asked me to leave. For years I had felt guilty about this, convinced that I had missed a great opportunity because of some flaw in my character. Even though I had put it out of my mind, I still carried the weight of this failure. When I saw him it all surfaced and a sick feeling came over me. Now he was so regal that I felt even more repulsive and embarrassed by my poor condition. I wanted to hide, but there was no way I could avoid him here.

To my surprise, his warmth toward me was so genuine that he soon put me at ease. There did not seem to be any barriers between us. In fact, the love I felt coming from him almost completely took away my self-consciousness.

“I have waited eagerly for this meeting,” he said.

“You were waiting for me?” I asked. “Why?”

“You are just one of many that I am waiting for. I did not understand until my judgment that you were one that I was called to help—to even disciple, but I rejected you.”

“Sir,” I protested, “it would have been a great honor to have been discipled by you, and I am very thankful for the time I did have with you. But I was so arrogant that I deserved the rejection. I know my rebellion and pride have prevented me from having a real spiritual father. This was not your fault, but mine.”

“It is true you were prideful, but that is not why I was offended with you,” he said. “I was offended because of my insecurity, which made me want to control everyone around me. I was offended that you would not accept everything I said without questioning it. I then started to look for anything that was wrong with you so I could justify rejecting you. I began to feel that if I could not control you, one day you would embarrass me and my ministry. I esteemed my ministry more than I did the people for whom it was given to me, so I drove you and many others like you away.”

“I must admit that at times I thought you had turned into a…” I stopped myself, embarrassed by what I was about to say.

“And you were right,” he said with a genuineness that is unknown in the realms of earth. “I had been given the grace to be a spiritual father, but I was a very poor one. All children are rebellious. They are all self-centered and think the world revolves around them. That is why they need parents to raise them. Almost every child will, at times, bring reproach on his family, but he is still a part of the family.

“I turned away many of God’s own children—precious people He had entrusted to me so they could be brought to maturity. I failed with many of those who stayed with me. Most of them suffered terrible and unnecessary wounds and failures that I could have helped them avoid. Many of them are now prisoners of the enemy.

“I built a large organization,” he continued, “and had considerable influence in the church. But the greatest gifts the Lord entrusted to me were the people who were sent to me for discipling, many of whom I rejected.

“Had I not been so self-centered and concerned with my own reputation, I would be a king here. I was called to sit on one of the highest thrones. All that you have and will accomplish would have been in my heavenly account as well. Instead, much of what I gave my attention to was of very little eternal significance.”

“What you accomplished was astounding,” I interjected.

“What looks good on earth looks very different here. What will make you a king on earth will often be a stumbling block to keep you from being a king here. What will make you a king

here is lowly and unacclaimed on earth. I failed some of the greatest tests and greatest opportunities that were given to me, one of which was you. Will you forgive me?”

“Of course,” I said, embarrassed. “But I am in need of your forgiveness too. I still think it was my awkwardness and rebellion that made it difficult for you. In fact, I, too, have failed to let some people get close to me who wanted to for the same reasons you did not want me around you.”

“It is true that you were not perfect,” he replied, “and I discerned some of your problems rightly, but that is never reason to reject someone. The Lord did not reject the world when He saw its failures. He did not reject me when He saw my sin. He laid down His life for me. It is always the greater who must lay down his life for the lesser. Even though I was more mature and had more authority than you, I became like one of the goats in the parable, rejecting the Lord by rejecting you and many others He sent to me.”

As he talked, his words were striking me deeply. I, too, was guilty of everything he mentioned. Passing through my mind were the faces of many young men and women I had brushed off as not being important enough for my time. I desperately wanted to return and gather them together!

The grief I began to feel was even worse than how I had felt about wasting my time. I had wasted people! Now many of these were prisoners of the enemy, wounded and captured during the battle on the mountain. This whole battle was for the people, and yet people are often our least concern. We will fight for truths more than for the people for whom the truths are given. We will fight for ministries, while running roughshod over the people in them.

“And many people think of me as a spiritual leader! I am truly the least of the saints,” I thought out loud.

The Enemy of the Gospel

“I understand how you feel,” remarked another man. I recognized him as someone I had considered as one of the greatest Christian leaders of all time. “Paul the Apostle said near the end of his life that he was the least of the saints. Then, just before his death, he even called himself ‘the greatest of sinners.’ If he had not learned that lesson during his life on earth, he, too, would have been in jeopardy of becoming one of the least of the saints in heaven. Because he learned it on earth, he is now one of those closest to the Lord and will be one of the highest in rank for all of eternity.”

Seeing this man in the company of the foolish virgins was the greatest surprise yet. “I cannot believe that you, too, are one of the foolish who slept away their lives on earth. Why are you here?”

“I am here because I made one of the gravest mistakes you can make as one entrusted with the glorious gospel of our Savior,” he answered. “Just as the Apostle Paul progressed from not considering himself inferior to the greatest apostles, to being the greatest of sinners, I took the

opposite course. I started out knowing that I had been one of the greatest of sinners who had found grace, but ended up thinking that I was one of the greatest apostles. It was because of my great pride, not insecurity like our friend here, that I began to attack everyone who did not see everything just the way I did.

“I stripped those who followed me of their own callings and even their personalities, pressuring them all to become just like me. No one around me could be himself. No one dared to question me because they knew I would crush them into powder. I thought by making others smaller I made myself greater. I thought that I was supposed to be the Holy Spirit to everyone.

“From the outside my ministry looked like a smooth running machine where everyone was in unity and there was perfect order, but it was the order of a concentration camp. I took the Lord’s children and made them automatons. I molded them into my own image instead of His. In the end I was not even serving the Lord, but rather the idol I had built to myself. By the end of my life I was actually an enemy of the true gospel, at least in practice, even if my teachings and writings seemed impeccably biblical.”

Coming from this person, such statements astounded me. I began to wonder if every meeting I had here was meant to give me a greater shock than the previous one.

“If it is true that you became an enemy of the gospel, how is it that you are still here?” I questioned.

“By the grace of God, I did trust in the cross for my own salvation. However, I actually kept other men from it, leading them to myself rather than to the Lord. Even so, the blessed Savior remains faithful to us even when we are unfaithful. It was also by His grace that the Lord took me from the earth sooner than He would have, just so those who were under me could find Him and come to know Him.”

Through a Glass Darkly

I could not have been more stunned to think that this particular man was guilty of such things. History had given us a very different picture of him.

Reading what was going on in my heart, he continued: “God does have a different set of history books than those on the earth. You have had a glimpse of this, but you do not yet know how different they are. Earthly histories will pass away, but the books that are kept here will last forever. If you can rejoice in what heaven is recording about your life, you are blessed indeed. Men see through a glass darkly, so their histories will always be clouded and sometimes completely wrong.”

“How was it that so many other leaders esteemed you so?” I inquired, still having trouble absorbing what I was hearing.

“Very few Christians, even very few leaders, have the true gift of discernment. Without this gift it is impossible to accurately discern truth in those of the present or the past. Even with this

gift it is difficult. Until we have been here and been stripped, we will judge others through distorted prejudices, either positive or negative. That is why we were warned not to judge before the time.

“Until we have been here, we cannot really know what is in the hearts of others and whether they are performing good or evil deeds. There have been good motives in even the worst of men and evil motives in even the best of them. Only here can men be judged by both their deeds and their motives.”

“When I return to earth, will I be able to discern history accurately because I have been here?”

“You are here because you prayed for the Lord to judge you severely, to correct you ruthlessly, so that you could serve Him more perfectly. This was one of the wisest requests you have ever made. The wise judge themselves lest they be judged. The even wiser ask for the judgments of the Lord because they realize they cannot even judge themselves well.

“Having come here, you will leave with far more wisdom and discernment, but on earth you will always see through a glass darkly, at least to some degree. Although your experience here will help you to know men better, only when you are fully here can you know them fully. When you leave here you will be more impressed by how little you know men rather than by how well you know them. This is just as true in relation to the histories of men. I have been allowed to talk with you because I have, in a sense, discipled you through my writings, and knowing the truth about me will help you,” the famous Reformer concluded.

The Reformer’s Wife

Then a woman I did not know stepped forward. Her beauty and grace were breathtaking, but they were not sensual or seductive in any way.

“I was his wife on earth,” she began. “Much of what you know of him actually came from me. Therefore, what I am about to say is not just about him, but about us. You can reform the church without reforming your own soul. You can dictate the course of history and yet not do the Father’s will or glorify His Son. If you commit yourself to making human history, you may do it, but it is a fleeting accomplishment that will evaporate like a wisp of smoke.”

“But your husband’s work, or your work, greatly impacted every generation after him for good. It is hard to imagine how dark the world would have been without him,” I protested.

“True,” she answered. “But you can gain the whole world and still lose your own soul. Only if you keep your own soul pure can you truly impact the world for the eternal purposes of God. My husband lost his soul to me, and he only regained it at the end of his life because I was taken from the earth so that he could.

“Much of what my husband did, he did more for me than for the Lord. I pressured him and even gave him much of the knowledge that he taught. I used him as an extension of my own ego

because as a woman I could not be recognized at the time as a spiritual leader myself. In a sense, I took over his life so that I could live my life through him. Soon I had him doing everything just to prove himself to me.”

“You must have loved her very much,” I said, looking at him.

“No, I did not love her at all,” he said to my amazement. “Neither did she love me. In fact, after just a few years of marriage we did not even like each other. But we both needed each other, so we found a way to work together. Our marriage was not a yoke of love, but of bondage. The more successful we became, the more unhappy we became, and the more deception we used to fool those who followed us. We were empty wretches by the end of our lives.

“The more influence you gain by your own self-promotion, the more you must strive to retain your influence, and the more your life will become dark and cruel. Kings feared us, but we feared everyone, from the kings to the peasants. We could trust no one because we were living in such deception ourselves that we did not even trust each other. We preached love and trust because we wanted everyone to love and trust us. But we, ourselves, secretly feared and despised everyone. If you preach the greatest truths but do not live them, you are only the greatest hypocrite and the most tormented soul.”

Their words pounded me like a hammer. I could see that my life was already heading in the same direction. How much was I doing to promote myself rather than Christ? I began to see how much I did just to prove myself to others, especially those I felt in competition with or those who disliked or rejected me. I began to see how much of my own life was built on the facade of a projected image that belied who I really was. But here I could not hide. This great cloud of witnesses all knew who I was beyond the veil of my projected motives.

I looked again at this couple. They were now so guileless and so noble that it was impossible to question their motives. They were gladly exposing their most devious sins for my sake and were genuinely happy to be able to do it.

“I may have had a wrong concept of you from your history and your writings, but I have even more esteem for you now,” I told them. “I pray that I can carry from this place the integrity and freedom that you now have. I am tired of trying to live up to projected images of myself. How I long for that freedom!” I lamented, wanting desperately to remember every detail of this encounter.

The High Calling

Then the famous Reformer offered a final exhortation: “Do not try to teach others to do what you, yourself, are not doing. Reformation is not just a doctrine. True reformation only comes from union with the Savior. When you are yoked with Christ, carrying the burdens that He gives you, He will be with you and carry them for you. You can only do His work when you are doing it with Him, not just for Him.

“Only the Spirit can beget that which is Spirit. If you are truly yoked with Him, you will do nothing for the sake of politics or history. Anything you do because of political pressures or opportunities will only lead you to the end of your true ministry. The things that are done in an effort to make history will at best confine your accomplishments to history, and you will fail to impact eternity. If you do not live what you preach to others, you disqualify yourself from the high calling of God, just as we did.”

“I do not think I could even consider seeking a high calling,” I interrupted. “I don’t even deserve to sit here in this place you say is for the lowest rank in heaven. How could I ever consider seeking a high calling?”

“The high calling is not out of reach for anyone that the Lord has called. I will tell you what will keep you on the path of life—love the Savior and seek His glory alone. Everything you do to exalt yourself will one day bring you the most terrible humiliation. Everything you do out of genuine love for the Savior, to glorify His name, will extend the limits of His eternal kingdom and ultimately result in a much higher place for yourself. Live for what is recorded here. Care nothing for what is recorded on earth.”

The couple then parted with a cheerful embrace, yet I felt anything but cheerful. As they walked away, I was again overwhelmed by my own sin. Memories of the times I had used people for my own purposes, or even used the name of Jesus to further my own ambitions, or make myself look better, began to cascade down upon me. Here, in this place where I could behold the power and glory of the One I had so used, such memories became more repulsive than I could stand. I fell on my face in the worst despair I had ever known.

After what seemed like an eternity of seeing people and events pass before me, I felt the Reformer’s wife lifting me to my feet again. I was overcome by her purity, especially as I now felt so evil and corrupt. I had the strongest desire to worship her because she was so pure.

“Turn to the Son,” she said emphatically. “Your desire to worship me, or anyone else at this time, is only an attempt to turn the attention away from yourself and justify yourself by serving what you are not. I am pure now because I turned to Him. You need to see the corruption that is in your own soul, but then you must not dwell on yourself or seek to justify yourself with dead works, but turn to Him.”

She said this with such genuine love that it was impossible to be hurt or offended by it.

When she saw that I understood, she continued.

“The purity you see in me was what my husband first saw in me when we were young. I was relatively pure in my motives then, but I corrupted his love and my own purity by allowing him to worship me wrongly. You can never become pure by worshiping those who are more pure than yourself. You must go beyond them to find the One who has made them pure, and in whom alone there is no sin.

“The more people praised us, and the more we accepted their praises, the further we drifted from the path of life. Then we started living for the praises of men and to gain power over those

who would not praise us. That was our demise, and it is the same for many who are here in the lowest place.”

Purified Love

Simply wanting to prolong our conversation, I asked the next question that came to my mind: “Is it difficult for you and your husband to be here together?”

“Not at all,” she responded. “All the relationships you have on earth are continued here. They are all purified by the judgment and by the fact that they are now spiritual, just as we are now spirit. The more you are forgiven, the more you love. After we forgave each other, we loved each other more. Now our relationship is continuing in much greater depth and richness because we are joint heirs of this salvation.

“As deep as the wounds were that we afflicted upon each other, that is how deep the love was able to reach when we were healed. We could have experienced this on earth, but we did not learn forgiveness in time. If we had learned forgiveness, the competition that entered our relationship and sidetracked our lives would not have been able to take root in us. If you truly love, you will truly forgive. The harder it is for you to forgive, the further you are from true love. Forgiveness is essential, or you will stumble and stray from the course chosen for you.”

I realized that this woman, who had brought me into such confrontation with the pain of my own depravity, was also the most attractive person I could ever remember meeting. It was not romantic attraction, but I just did not want to leave her. Perceiving my thoughts, she withdrew a step, indicating that she was about to go. Before leaving, she offered me some final insights.

“The pure truth, spoken in pure love, will always attract,” she said. “You will remember the pain you feel here, and it will help you through the rest of your life. Pain is good; it shows you where there is a problem. Do not try to reduce the pain until you find the problem. God’s truth often brings pain as it highlights a problem that we have, but His truth will always show us the way to freedom too. When you know this, you will even begin to rejoice in your trials, which are all allowed to help keep you on the path of life.

“Your attraction to me is not out of order. It is the attraction between male and female that was given in the beginning, which is pure in its original form. When pure truth is combined with pure love, men can be the men they were created to be without having to dominate women out of insecurity. Such domination is nothing but lust, which is the lowest depth to which love falls because of our sin. With true love, men become true men. Women, likewise, can be the women they were created to be because their love has replaced their fear.

“Love will never manipulate or try to control out of insecurity because love casts out all fear. The very place where relationships can be the most corrupted is also where they can be the most fulfilling, after redemption has worked in them. True love is a taste of heaven, and lust is the enemy’s ultimate perversion of the glory of heaven. To the degree that you are free of lust on earth, you will begin to experience heaven.”

“But I do not think I have felt any lust for you or for anyone while I’ve been here,” I mildly protested. “On the contrary, I was marveling that I could behold one with your beauty and not feel lust.”

“That is because you are here. The light of His glory here casts out all darkness. But if you were not here, lust would be gripping you now,” she said.

“I’m sure you are right. Can we ever be free from this terrible perversion on earth?” I begged.

“Yes. As your mind is renewed by the Spirit of Truth, you will not see relationships as opportunities to take from others, but to give. Giving provides the greatest fulfillment that we can ever know. The most wonderful human relationships are but fleeting glimpses of the ecstasy that comes when we give ourselves to the Lord in pure worship. What we experience in worship here, your frail, unglorified body could not endure. The true worship of God will purify the soul for the glory of true relationships.

“Therefore, you must not seek relationships, but true worship. Only then can relationships start to be what they are supposed to be. True love never seeks to be first or to be in control, but rather it takes the place of humble service. If my husband and I had kept this in our marriage, we would be sitting next to the King now, and this great hall would be filled with many more souls.”

Removing More Veils

With that, the Reformer’s wife disappeared back into the ranks of the glorified saints. I looked again toward the throne and was taken aback because the glory appeared so much more beautiful than it had before. Another man standing close to me explained.

“With each encounter, a veil is being removed so that you can see Him more clearly. You are not changed just by seeing His glory, but by seeing it with an unveiled face. Those who come to the true judgments of God walk a corridor such as this to meet those who can help them remove whatever veils they are still wearing—veils that will distort their vision of Him.”

I felt that I had already absorbed more understanding than my many years of ministry on earth had given me. All my study and seeking on earth had apparently only led me forward at a snail’s pace. Even many lifetimes would not have prepared me to face the judgment! My life had already disqualified me more than all those I had met, and it seemed they had barely made it here!

“How could those who have not been given the grace of this experience have any hope at all?” I asked.

I heard a new voice say, “What you are experiencing here has been given to you on earth. Every relationship, every encounter with another person, could teach you what you are learning here if you keep that cloak of humility on and learn to always keep your attention fixed on His glory. You are being given this experience now because you will write the vision, and those who

read it will understand it. Many will then be able to carry the glory and the power that they will need in the last battle.”

I was amazed to recognize this man as a contemporary of mine, for I did not even know he had died. I had never met him on earth, but he had a great ministry which I respected very much. Through men that he had trained, thousands had been led to salvation, and many large churches had been raised up that were almost totally devoted to evangelism.

He asked if he could just embrace me for a minute, and I agreed, feeling quite awkward. When we embraced, I felt such love coming from him that a great pain deep within me stopped hurting. I had become so used to the pain that I did not even notice it until it stopped. After he released me, I told him that his embrace had healed me of something. His joy at this was profound. Then he began to tell me why he was in the lowest rank in heaven.

“I became so proud near the end of my life that I could not imagine that the Lord would do anything of significance unless He did it through me. I began to touch the Lord’s anointed and to do His prophets harm. I was selfishly proud when the Lord used one of my own disciples, and I became jealous when the Lord moved through anyone who was outside of my ministry. I would search for anything that was wrong with them in order to expose them. I did not know that every time I did this I only demoted myself further.”

“I never knew you had done anything like that,” I said, surprised.

“I did not do it myself, but I incited men under me to investigate other ministers and do my dirty work. I had them scour the earth to find any error or sin in the lives of others so they could be exposed. I became the worst thing that a man can become on the earth—a stumbling block who produced other stumbling blocks. We sowed fear and division throughout the church, all in the name of protecting the truth. In my self-righteousness, I was headed for perdition.

“But in His great mercy, the Lord allowed me to be struck by a disease that would bring about a slow and humiliating death. Just before I died, I came to my senses and repented. I am thankful to be here at all. I may be one of the least of His here, but it is much more than I deserve. I just could not leave this room until I had a chance to apologize to those of you that I so wronged.”

“But you never wronged me,” I said.

“Oh, but I did indeed,” he replied. “Many of the attacks that came against you were from those I had agitated and encouraged in their assaults on others. Even though I may not have personally carried out the attacks, the Lord holds me as responsible as those who did.”

“I see. Of course I forgive you.”

Judging the Stumbling Blocks

I was already beginning to remember how I had done this same thing, even though on a smaller scale. I recalled how I had allowed disgruntled former members of a nearby church to spread their poison about that church without stopping them. By allowing them to do this without correcting them, I had, in effect, encouraged them to continue. At the time I had rationalized that this was justified because of the errors of that church. I had even repeated many of their stories, justifying it under the guise of enlisting prayers for them.

Soon a great flood of memories of other such incidents began to arise in my heart. Again, I was starting to be overwhelmed by the evil and darkness of my own soul.

“I, too, have been a stumbling block!” I wailed. I knew that I deserved death and that I deserved the worst kind of hell. I had never seen such ruthlessness and cruelty as I was now seeing in my own heart.

“We actually comforted ourselves by thinking we were doing God a favor when we attacked His children,” continued the understanding voice of this man. “It is good for you to see this here because you can go back. Please warn my disciples of their impending doom if they do not repent. Many of them are called to be kings here, but if they do not repent they will face the worst judgment of all—the judgment of the stumbling blocks.

“My humbling disease was grace from God. When I stood before the throne, I asked the Lord to send such grace to my disciples. I cannot cross back over to them, but He has allowed me this time with you. Please forgive and release those who have attacked you. They really do not understand that they are doing the work of the accuser. Thank you for forgiving me, but please also forgive them. It is in your power to retain sins or to cover them with love. I entreat you to love those who are now your enemies.”

I was so overwhelmed with my own sin that I could hardly hear this man. He was glorious and pure and obviously now had powers that were not known on the earth. Yet, he was entreating me with great humility. I felt such love coming from him that I could not imagine refusing him. But even without the impact of his love, I felt far more guilty than anyone attacking me could possibly be.

“Certainly I must deserve anything they have done to me and much more,” I replied.

“That is true, but it is not the point here,” he entreated. “Everyone on earth is deserving of the second death, but our Savior brought us grace and truth. If we are to do His work, we must do everything in both grace and truth. Truth without grace is what the enemy brings when he comes as an ‘angel of light.’”

“If I can be delivered from this, maybe I will be able to help them,” I replied. “But can’t you recognize that I am far worse than they could possibly be?”

“I know that what just passed through your memory was bad,” he answered, with profound love and grace. I knew that he had now become as concerned for me and my condition as he had been for his own disciples.

“This really is heaven,” I blurted out. “This really is light and truth. How could we who live in such darkness become so proud, thinking we know so much about God?” Impulsively, I yelled in the direction of the throne, “Lord! Please let me go and carry this light back to earth!”

Immediately the entire host of heaven seemed to stand at attention, and I knew that I was the center of their gaze. I felt so insignificant before just one of these glorious ones, but when I knew they were all looking at me, fear came like a tidal wave. I felt there could be no doom like I was about to experience. Surely I was the greatest enemy of the glory and truth that so filled that place.

When I thought about my request to go back, I realized I was too depraved. I could never adequately represent such glory and truth. There was no way I could in my corruption convey the reality of that glorious place and His presence. I felt that even Satan had not fallen as far as I had. This is hell! I thought. There could be no worse pain than to be as evil as I was and to know that this kind of glory existed. To be banned from here would be a torture worse than I ever feared. “No wonder the demons are so angry and demented,” I said under my breath.

Just when I felt that I was about to be banished to the deepest regions of hell, I simply cried, “JESUS!” Immediately, a deep peace came over me. I knew I had to move on toward the glory again, and somehow I had the confidence to do it.

The Writer’s Remorse

I kept moving until I saw a man I considered to be one of the greatest writers of all time. I had counted his insights into the truth to be possibly the greatest I had encountered in all my studies.

“Sir, I have always looked forward to this meeting,” I blurted out.

“As have I,” he replied with genuine sincerity.

I was surprised by his comment, but I was so excited to meet him that I continued, “I feel that I know you, and in your writings I felt like you somehow knew me. I think I owe more to you than to anyone else who was not canonized in Scripture.”

“You are very gracious,” he replied. “But I am sorry that I did not serve you better. I was a shallow person, and my writings were shallow, filled more with worldly wisdom than divine truth.”

“I know what you are saying must be true because you can only speak the truth here,” I told him. “Yet it is hard for me to understand. I think your writings are some of the best that we have on earth.”

“You are right,” this famous writer admitted with sincerity. “It is so sad. Everyone here, even those who sit closest to the King, would live their lives differently if they had them to live over. But I think I would live mine even more differently than most. I was honored by kings, but

failed the King of kings. I used the great gifts and insights that were given to me to draw men more to myself and my wisdom than to Him. Besides, I only knew Him by the hearing of the ear, which is the way I compelled other men to know Him. I made them dependent on me and on others like me. I turned them more to deductive reasoning than to the Holy Spirit, whom I hardly knew.

“I did not point men to Jesus,” he continued, “but to myself and others like me who pretended to know Him. When I beheld Him here, I wanted to grind my writings into powder, just as Moses did with the golden calf. My mind was my idol, and I wanted everyone to worship my mind with me.

“Your esteem for me does not cause me to rejoice. If I had spent as much time seeking to know Him as I did seeking to know about Him in order to impress others with my knowledge, many of those who are in this lowest of companies would be sitting in the thrones that were prepared for them, and many others would be in this room.”

“I know that what you are saying about your work must be true, but aren’t you being a little too hard on yourself?” I questioned. “Your works fed me spiritually for many years, as I know they have multitudes of others.”

“I am not being too hard on myself,” he responded. “All that I have said is true, and it was confirmed when I stood before the throne. Even though I produced a lot, I was given more talents than almost anyone here, and I buried them beneath my own spiritual pride and ambitions. Just as we learn from the example of Adam, who could have carried the whole human race into a most glorious future, but by his failure led billions of souls into the worst of dooms instead—with authority comes responsibility.

“The more authority you are given, the more potential for both good and evil you have. Those who will rule with Him for the ages will know responsibility of the most profound kind. No man stands alone, and every human failure or victory resonates far beyond our comprehension, even to generations to come.”

I could not help reflecting on the beautiful and articulate phrases that this man had written. He was the epitome of a wordsmith, a craftsman who turned words into works of art. But here, he was speaking as a common man, without the flair for which his writings were so well -known. Although he knew what I was thinking, as did everyone here, he continued with what he clearly thought was more important.

“Had I sought the Lord Himself instead of knowledge about Him, I could have successfully led many thousands, which would have resulted in many more millions being here now. Anyone who understands the true nature of authority would never seek it. They would only accept it when they knew they were yoked with the Lord, the only One who can carry authority without stumbling. Never seek influence for yourself, but only seek the Lord and be willing to take His yoke. My influence did not feed your heart, but rather your pride in knowledge.”

“How can I know that I am not doing the same?” I asked as I began to think of my own writings.

“Study to show yourself approved unto God, not men,” he replied as he walked back into the ranks. Before disappearing he turned, and with the slightest smile offered one last bit of advice: “And do not follow me.”

Higher Ranks

In this first multitude I saw many other men and women of God, both from history and from my own time. I stopped and talked to many of them, and was shocked that so many I expected to be in the highest positions were instead in the lowest rank of the kingdom. Many shared the same basic story—they had fallen to the deadly sin of pride after their great victories, or fallen to jealousy when other men were anointed as much as they were. Others had fallen to lust, discouragement, or bitterness near the end of their lives and had to be taken before they crossed the line into perdition. They all gave me the same warning: The higher the spiritual authority that you walk in, the further you can fall if you are without love and humility.

As I continued toward the judgment seat, I began to pass those who were of higher rank in the kingdom. After many more veils had been stripped away from me by meetings with those who had stumbled over the same problems that I had, I began to meet some who had overcome. I met couples who had served God and each other faithfully to the end. Their glory here was unspeakable, and their victory encouraged me that it was possible to stay on the path of life and serve the Lord faithfully.

Those who stumbled did so in many different ways. But those who prevailed all did it the same way: They did not deviate from their devotion to the first and greatest commandment— loving the Lord. In this way, their service was done unto Him, not to men. These were the ones who worshiped the Lamb and followed Him wherever He went.

When I was still not even halfway to the throne, what had been the indescribable glory of the first rank now seemed to be outer darkness in comparison to the glory of those I was now passing. The greatest beauty on earth would not qualify to be found anywhere in heaven. And I was told that this room was just the threshold of indescribable realms of glory!

My march to the throne may have taken days, months, or even years. There was no way to measure time in that place. Everyone there showed respect to me, not because of who I was or anything I had done, but simply because I was a warrior in the battle of the last days. Somehow, through this last battle, the glory of God was to be revealed in such a way that it would be a witness to every power and authority, created or yet to be created, for all of eternity. During this battle the glory of the cross would be revealed, and the wisdom of God would be known in a special way. To be in that battle was to be given one of the greatest honors possible.

Near the judgment seat of Christ, those in the highest ranks were sitting on thrones that were all a part of His throne. Even the least of these thrones was many times more glorious than any earthly throne. Some of those on the thrones were rulers over cities on earth and would soon

take their places. Others were rulers over the affairs of heaven, and still others ruled over the affairs of the physical creation, such as star systems and galaxies.

It was apparent that those who were given authority over cities were esteemed even above those who had been given authority over galaxies. The value of a single child surpasses that of a galaxy of stars because the Lord has chosen men as His eternal dwelling place. In the presence of His glory, the whole earth seemed as insignificant as a speck of dust. Yet, it was so infinitely esteemed that all of creation’s attention was upon it.

His Awesome Presence

Now that I stood before the throne, I felt even lower than a speck of dust. Nevertheless, I felt the Holy Spirit upon me in a greater way than I ever had. It was by His power alone that I was able to stand. It was here that I truly came to understand His ministry as the Comforter. He had led me through the entire journey, even though for the most part I had been unaware of His presence.

The Lord was both more gentle and more terrible than I had ever imagined. In Him I saw Wisdom, who had accompanied me on the mountain. I somehow also felt the familiarity of many of my friends on earth, which I understood to be because He had often spoken to me through them. I also recognized Him as the One I had often rejected when He had come to me in others. I saw both a Lion and a Lamb, the Shepherd and the Bridegroom, but most of all I now saw Him as the Judge.

Even in the Lord’s awesome presence, the Comforter was so mightily with me that I was comfortable. It was clear that the Lord in no way wanted me to be uncomfortable; He only wanted me to know the truth. Human words are not adequate to describe how awesome or how relieving it was to stand before Him. I had passed the point where I was concerned if the judgment was going to be good or bad; I just knew it would be right and that I could trust my Judge.

At one point the Lord looked toward the galleries of thrones around Him. Many were occupied, but many were empty. He then said, “These thrones are for the overcomers who have served Me faithfully in every generation. My Father and I prepared them before the foundation of the world. Are you worthy to sit on one of these?”

I remembered what a friend had once said, “When the omniscient God asks you a question, it is not because He is seeking information.” I looked at those who were now seated on the thrones. I could recognize some of the great heroes of the faith, but realized most of those seated had not even been well-known on earth.

Many of those on the thrones had been missionaries who expended their lives in obscurity. They had never cared to be remembered on earth, but wanted only to be remembered by Him. I was a bit surprised to see some who had been wealthy, and rulers who had been faithful with what they had been given. However, it seemed that faithful, praying women and mothers occupied more thrones than any other single group.

There was no way I could answer “yes” to the Lord’s question regarding whether I considered myself worthy to sit here. I was not worthy to sit in the company of any who were there. I knew I had been given the opportunity to run for the greatest prize in heaven or earth, and I had failed. I was desperate, but there was still one hope. Even though most of my life had been a failure, I was very glad that I was here before finishing my life on earth.

When I confessed that I was not worthy, the Lord asked, “But do you want this seat?” “I do with all of my heart,” I responded.

The Lord then looked at the galleries and said, “Those empty seats could have been filled in any generation. I gave the invitation to sit here to everyone who has called upon My name. The seats are still available. Now the last battle has come, and many who are last shall be first. These seats will be filled before the battle is over. Those who will sit here will be known by two things: They will wear the mantle of humility, and they will have My likeness.

“You now have the mantle. If you can keep it and do not lose it in the battle, when you return you will also have My likeness. Then you will be worthy to sit with these because I will have made you worthy. All authority and power have been given to Me, and I alone can wield it. You will prevail, and you will be trusted with My authority only when you have come to fully abide in Me. Now turn and look at My household.”

I turned and looked back in the direction I had come from. Standing before His throne, I could see the entire room. The spectacle was glorious beyond description. Millions filled the ranks. Each individual in the lowest rank was more awesome than any army and had more power. It was far beyond my capacity to absorb such a panorama of glory. Even so, I could see that only a very small portion of the great room was occupied.

The Cup of Tears

I then looked back at the Lord and was astonished to see tears in His eyes. He had wiped the tears away from every eye here except His own. As a tear ran down His cheek, He caught it in His hand. He then offered it to me.

“This is My cup. Will you drink it with Me?”

There was no way I could refuse Him. As the Lord continued to look at me, I began to feel His great love. Even as foul as I was, He still loved me. As undeserving as I was, He wanted me to be close to Him. Then He said:

“I love all of these with a love that you cannot now understand. I also love all who were supposed to be here but did not come. I left the ninety-nine to go after the one who was lost. My shepherds will not leave the one to go after the ninety-nine who are still lost. I came to save the lost. Will you share My heart to go and save the lost? Will you help to fill this room? Will you help to fill these thrones and every other seat in this hall? Will you take up this quest to bring joy to heaven, to Me, and to My Father?

“This is judgment for My own household, and My own house is not full. The last battle will not be over until My house is full. Only then will it be time for us to redeem the earth and remove the evil from My creation. If you drink My cup, you will love the lost the way that I love them.”

He took a cup so plain that it seemed out of place in a room of such glory, and He placed His tear in it. He then gave it to me. I have never tasted anything so bitter! I knew that I could in no way drink it all, or even much of it, but I was determined to drink as much as I could. The Lord patiently waited until I finally erupted into such weeping that I felt like rivers of tears were flowing from me. I was crying for the lost, but even more, I was crying for the Lord.

I looked to Him in desperation, for I could not take any more of the great pain. Then His peace began to fill me, flowing together with the river of His love that erupted when I drank from His cup. Never had I felt anything so wonderful. This was the living water that I knew would spring up for eternity.

Then I felt as if the waters flowing within me caught on fire! I began to feel that this fire would consume me if I could not start declaring the majesty of His glory. I had never felt such an urge to preach, to worship Him, and to breathe every breath for the sake of His gospel.

“Lord!” I shouted, forgetting everyone but Him. “I now know that this throne of judgment is also the throne of grace, and I ask You now for the grace to serve You. Above all things, I ask You for grace! I ask You for the grace to finish my course. I ask You for the grace to love You like this, so I can be delivered from the delusions and self-centeredness that have so perverted my life.

“I call upon You for salvation from myself and the evil of my heart, so this love I now feel can flow in my heart continually. I ask You to give me Your heart, Your love. I ask for the grace of the Holy Spirit to convict me of my sin and to testify of You as You really are. Give me the grace to preach the reality of this judgment and testify of all You have prepared for those who come to You. I ask for the grace to share with those who are called to occupy these empty thrones, to give them words of encouragement that will keep them on the path of life and impart to them the faith to do what they have been called to do. Lord, I beg You for this grace!”

Commissioned

The Lord then stood up, and all those who were seated upon the thrones for as far as I could see also stood up. His eyes burned with a fire I had not seen before.

“You have called upon Me for grace. This request I never deny. You shall return, and the Holy Spirit shall be with you. Here you have tasted of both My kindness and My severity. You must remember both if you are to stay on the path of life. The true love of God includes the judgment of God. You must know both My kindness and severity or you will fall to deception. This is the grace that you have been given here, to know both. The conversations you had with your brethren here were My grace. Remember them.”

He pointed His sword toward my heart, then my mouth, then my hands. When He did, fire came from His sword and burned me. The pain was very great. “This, too, is grace,” He said. “You are but one of many who have been prepared for this hour. Preach and write about all that you have seen here. What I have said to you, say to My brethren.

“Go and call My captains to the last battle. Go and defend the poor and the oppressed, the widows and the orphans. This is the commission of My captains, and it is where you will find them. My children are worth more to Me than the stars in the heavens. Feed My lambs. Watch over My little ones. Give the Word of God to them that they may live. Go to the battle. Go and do not retreat. Go quickly, for I will come quickly. Obey Me and hasten the day of My coming.”

A company of angels then came and escorted me away from the throne. The leader walked beside me and began to speak.

“Now that He has stood, He will not sit again until the last battle is over. He has been seated until the time when His enemies are to be put under His feet. The time has now come. The legions of angels that have been standing ready since the night of His passion have now been released upon the earth. The hordes of hell have also been released.

“This is the time for which all of creation has been waiting,” he continued. “The great mystery of God will soon be finished. We will now fight until the end. We will fight alongside you and your brethren.”